Back to Reality...
As lovely as a trip to Europe in the middle of Fall can be, I have had to return to the harsh reality of graduating and finding a j-o-b! I think that I have been unconsciously delaying the significance of graduation for many years... as many years as one can continue signing up for school until one comes to the end of degrees to pursue. As much as would like to follow in the footsteps of our beloved Sisterlock Diva Brunsli, I can't imagine beginning a law degree after finishing this PhD. So apart from a real desire to go to 'beauty school,' (later I will share my vision of 'Helga's House of Beaute'), I've got to accept that I am graduating in June.
To that end, I dove head first into the job application process the day I arrived home from Spain. Actually, I did some work while away, writing syllabi on trains and re-formulating my letter of application, CV, and dissertation abstract. Judging from the poll results on Brunsli's blog about what people want to read about, I will keep my comments about the job search to a minimum ;-) Suffice it to say that I sent out 30 applications and several more for postdoctoral fellowships (I guess that is one way to extend the researcher/student phase).
So, oddly enough, the process of having to present myself for assessment (albeit on paper) to schools all over the country made me want a makeover.
I am in my 16th month of wearing sisterlocks and I hate to admit that I too want more length...today! Now, my sister (I won't say which) laments what may be the overfocus on growing long hair that some Black women can be obsessed with. Please, I do not want to debate this, my point is simply to mention the perpetual dissatisfaction that Black women are socialized to have about their appearance and especially their hair.
Having said that... I want longer hair! Ya, I said it.
As stated above, the whole graduation/job search process has certainly brought some (understandable) nervousness to the surface, and I think my first response was to figure out a way to hide behind hair, of all things. I think that this may be what drove a 14-year marathon of wearing braid extensions, and gave me some 'false courage' to do all sorts of challenging, adventurous, scary, new things during that time. Does hair give a sistah courage, I doubt it, but I certainly spent a grip of money buying hair to put on my head as if it did!
So the reality of graduating and being a junior scholar, of having my work and my personality judged for compatibility on a new college campus have a lot to do with my 'hair journey' (if people still use the expression). I know that if I am dissatisfied at this stage, I will be dissatisfied at the next one too, that is the great irony of dissatisfaction (which is actually ingratitude). All this 'being in the moment' talk is starting to make sense...and it is cheaper than buying hair and less frustrating than trying to will hair to grow overnight ;-)
posted by Helga @ 6:14 PM
13 Comments:
Excellent Post! We are taught to be dissatisfied with our hair. I have always had longish hair. Sometimes my own loose hair grazed my waistline at other times my shoulders. But it was always with a sense of dissatisfaction util I traditionally locked in 2002.
I felt unaccepted by people because people would suggest that Black people could not have hair like that or it must be a weave and other ignorant stuff. And guys would always tell me that they were first attracted to me because of my hair before locks. I agree with you about being in the moment with locks. I feel with natural hair there is no other place to be whether you have long locs or a short afro. I think something about the lack of manipulation leads to less dissatisfaction. Regarding length...the grass is always greener...
Wow! How exciting to be graduating. :) And terrifying.
Getting yourself down on paper must feel good -- to look at your accomplishments all in one place. It definitely calls for makeover!
Helga, u crakc me up!! Love your makeup in the last pic! I gotta go back to yuor earlier psosts to see what length you started out with.
Funny, I've never been one to want long hair. I don't really like short hair on me (like when I first got my sls installed), but having long hair has never been one of my burning desires. I just want my hair to LOCK!!!! ARRRGH!
Sis, is it that time already? Boy does time fly. Well you, of all people, will have no problem landing the job of all jobs. You've worked hard and have sacraficed much. And, geesh, how cute you look in the photos. Your eyes are to die for. Love the hair style, and what do you mean you want length? Seems to me that your hair is doing just that...lenghtening(-: love ya.
I'm happy to have the length, because it's new to me to have MY OWN HAIR this long, however, when I shampoo it, it is heavy!!!!!! When you reach year 2, it will start growing like weeds. At least that's what happened with me and Jen's hair. It's even worse now that we're approaching year 4. I need a re-tightening at least every 3-4 weeks, when I used to could go 6-8 weeks. Wishing you all the best in your graduation and job seeking endeavors. Blessings...
Well...All I have to say is I love your hair!!! I know that you want more length, like a lot of us, but yours is definitely coming along nicely.
The style you're wearing in the last pic is fabulous!!!!!
While I completely understand about wanting longer hair, there are many days I think I like shorter hair. If I could give you some of mine I would gladly do so.
Well I am just sitting here gushing! You all are so kind and encouraging! Right now I am appreciating how much fuller my hair appears and how nice it is to finally be able to get up and go!
Makeovers are great fun, and I am good at coming up with reasons to get one!
I want longer hair too! - YESTERDAY - And I am not ashamed to say so! And you know what else?
White girls and latinas obsess about their hair length and thickness too. A lot of them wear extensions and hairpieces also. And they don't feel ashamed. A lot of them battle curls and frizz every day, so it isn't just us.
Do we have more of a struggle and more dissatisfaction and more outside influences that tell us our natural hair isn't good enough? I do believe so, but I also think the gulf is not as wide as some people imagine.
(In terms of the numbers of individuals who do not like the hair they were born with. I mean, really, the entire beauty industry is built on making us dissatisfied with our natural selves - add to that cultural influences and sterotypes and community expectations, and well, you see where I'm going with this argument...)
Wanting longer hair isn't the only reason I decided to lock or the main reason. I wanted healthier hair and greater freedom and more options, and to that end I have been EXTREMELY satisfied with my locks from day one.
But wanting longer hair is one reason. And I believe it is a valid reason and we should not feel bad about it. Why shouldn't AA women have hair down our backs that WE GREW if we want it?
As everyone says, the length will come...and you are looking VERY beautiful 'in the moment'!
I think you are gorgeous in all three pics. I love the way your locks lay in the freestyle shots and I envy it as well. My locks never lay down (lol). Additionally the makeover style is darling and I hope it did the trick on curing your hopefully temporary dissatisfaction!
nice, very Nice!
Oh - I forgot to comment on what you call false courage. It reminded me of college days when I'd see women's personalities change one day to the next when their hair suddenly got 2 feet longer.
Anyway, when you're doing something stressful, like going on the job market (do you have to do that lovely holiday season MLA torture conference?) it's whatever-it-takes-to-feel-confident time. Shoes, hair, makeup, whatever! You can't change your publications or academic pedigree, but you can change your outfit...
Yes, I am sure it was my shoes that landed me my job. ;)
nice dreads. i just started mine. i wanted to add yarn for length. right now i have kinky twist over my dreads (go figure)i want length.
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